The Failure
"An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind." -Buddha

manual:

Your body is 65% water and I’m thirsty

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right know.

rampant-noodle:

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puralize:

you don’t understand how hard it is to take a selfie when you’re ugly


i'm so fucking healthy

seedy:

awkward eye contact with people in the car next to yours at a red light 

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ouijaboarding:

Sending a long meaningful message and getting a one word reply

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malkiewicz:

Synonyms are weird because if you invite someone to your cottage in the forest that just sounds nice and cozy, but if I invite you to my cabin in the woods you’re going to die.